Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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