I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
