can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
