It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
