Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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