you would pick up someone in the library
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
