you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
