What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
