I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
