I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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