Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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