i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
