Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
