Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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