p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
