How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
