Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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