If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
