so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
