Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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