im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
