I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
