girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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