doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
