He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
