We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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