Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
