after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
