took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
