apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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