Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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