remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
