I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
