I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
