Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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