1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
