Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
