she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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