I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
