I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
