mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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