The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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