Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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