you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
