Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
