I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
