If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
