What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
