i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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