I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
