she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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