NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
