i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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